The way I think about people has a direct effect on my joy, peace and own fulfillment. I spent an entire week just being critical and judgmental of people in my life. I can always point out the faults and shortcomings in others and by the end of this past week God decided to point out that this is exactly what I have been doing. This was the reason why I was getting all worked up for no good reason. Those closest too me never see to wonder how I can get worked up over hypothetical situations, but in all honesty, I think we can all do this to an extent – I just tend to do it out loud more than others. So how does judging others connect to anxious hypothetical? Well, let me elaborate.

Ish43: 18 (The Msg) Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.

One barrier that keeps me from thinking about people the way

Jesus did is my past experiences. Past experiences with different kinds of people can shape how I enter into new relationships and interactions. In defense of my heart, I can become particularly critical or suspicious of those around me resulting in me running hypothetical scenarios through my head. If I can prove that the people currently entering my life are like those ‘other’ people I can protect myself from being hurt again and keep them at a distance and society often backs me in supporting stereotypes so there is a high probability that I will be right in my assumption. In this way I also manage to not trust friends or allow new friendships to develop. I have seen this in my work and personal relationships. Being hurt by past work situations has made me more suspicious of the people I work with presently. In getting to know new people I have been meeting I can also pass judgment prematurely. My past experiences can feed my prejudices, stereo types and presumptions preventing me from loving people the way Jesus loves and from sharing Him with them.

This attitude also gives Satan a foothold to puff me up. In this mindset I can easily place myself in a position to look down on others or think myself better than others. If I am ‘better than’ someone that makes me too good to serve them or give to them. I’m too good to serve my house-mates because I’ve taken out the trash 3 times this week already so I’m not gona’ do it again as than they will expect me to pick up after them all the time. I won’t do something at work that I see as being ‘beneath me’ or not in my job description because than I will be taken advantage of.

Matthew 7:5 (The Msg) It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

The Message version of this scripture helps me to look at myself first and remember that as I am judging and measuring others up they too are doing the same to me. Neither myself or the other person doing the measuring is in the right, despite the fact that we may be completely right in some of our assumptions, it doesn’t matter, we are wrong to assume in the first place.

Romans 12:1-21(The Msg) 1 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. 2Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Jesus died for that person who I am critical of, the one who gets on my nerves, the one I don’t understand and the one I can’t stand. Not only that but by giving into the past I can allow this act of faithlessness to steal what God has in store for the future. I can miss out on being used by Him, miss out on touching others lives as well as them touching mine, miss out on His blessings because of actions fueled by my suspicious or judgmental thinking. It’s not always about some great bond or connection, others motives won't always be clear or good, we will not click with everyone, heck there will be many a day we won’t feel like we are clicking with God or understand His motives but we keep going because we fix our attention on Him and we hold on to what is promised and through this type of faith he is able to bring out the best in us, despite us. So we keep fighting our own hypothetical because we know that God will blow them out with His truth.

"I believed if time passes, everything turns into beauty. If the rain stops, tears clean the scars of memory away. Everything starts wearing fresh colors. Every sound begins playing a heartful melody. Jealousy embellishes a page of epic. Desire is embraced in a dream but my mind is still in chaos and....."

June 7, 2007
Success Covers a Multitude of Sins

Having a "successful ministry" can keep pastors from the hard work of character transformation.

This week I am attending the Midwest Regional Spiritual Formation Forum at Elmbrook Church near Milwaukee. The conference theme is “spiritual formation and the mission of the church.” Most interpret “mission” to mean a measurable impact in the world. Are people coming to Christ? Is the church making a difference? But the first plenary speaker, Dave Johnson—pastor of Church of the Open Door in Maple Grove, Minnesota—says our desire for external impact should take a back seat to internal transformation.

Johnson spoke about the pressure that comes from being anointed for ministry. When God empowers us with the skills to powerfully carry out his purposes it is like a weight being put upon us, and it takes real interior strength to carry it for any amount of time. This interior strength is a character formed in the image of Christ.

Drawing from the life and downfall of Samson, he went on to tell the stories of men and women who were used powerfully by God to accomplish even miraculous things, but who eventually collapsed because their characters simply could not carry the weight of their anointing. These leaders had not made the transformation of their characters the first priority in their life and ministry.

The reason many of us ignore the formation of our character, says Johnson, is because it will slow us down. Many ministry leaders want success, a big church, or a crowd. But how many of us want a real life? How many of us want a life in God? We can have that, Johnson believes. We can have a character that produces love, peace, patience, kindness…but it will slow us down. It might mean the church won’t grow as big as quickly. It might mean the crowd will get smaller.

But the alternative is both devastating and all too common. The alternative is a ministry of high impact but shallow character. As only Johnson could say it, “In the bible it was a miracle when God spoke through an ass. Now it happens everyday.” Translation: God is speaking powerfully through many pastors, but their characters show nothing of God’s life. These leaders, along with their anger, pride, bitterness, and cynicism, are tolerated by many churches because they are able to “fill the room.” Their powerful spiritual gifts, like Samson’s, deflect the flaws of their characters.

Johnson believes that many of us opt to ignore the slow, hard work of character formation because we simply don’t want it. It is a matter of intention. We don’t want to be slowed down in our pursuit of ministry impact and tangible achievement. In order to have a life in God, a life full of his character, we have to want it more than anything else.

Johnson concluded with this simple but haunting question—What do you want?

(My thought: The issue here applies to everyone, not only pastors.)

This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes

Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait

Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there’s just one left

‘Cause you know,

you know, you know

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you’ll be with me

and you’ll never go

Stop breathing if

I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask

Last chance for one last dance

‘Cause with you, I’d withstand

All of hell to hold your hand

I’d give it all

I’d give for us

Give anything but I won’t give up

‘Cause you know,

you know, you know

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you’ll be with me

and you’ll never go

Stop breathing if

I don’t see you anymore

So far away

Been far away for far too long

So far away

Been far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know

I wanted

I wanted you to stay

‘Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I forgive you

For being away for far too long

So keep breathing

‘Cause I’m not leaving

Hold on to me and

never let me go

German Lutheran theologian and Nazi martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in a letter from prison: 'God does not give us everything we want, but He does fulfill all His promises ... leading us along the best and straightest paths to Himself.'

I am the only one to blame for this

Somehow it all adds up the same

Soaring on the wings of selfish pride

I flew too high and like Icarus I collide

With a world I try so hard to leave behind

To rid myself of all but love,

To give and die

To turn away and not become

Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves

More deeply than the oceans,

More abundant than the tear

Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice

Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - I am on my knees

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone

Amongst remains of a life I should not own

It takes all I am to believe

In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?

All I am for all you are

Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

And I pray,

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - I am on my knees

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross

Forgetting what my life has cost

And wipe away the crimson stains

And dull the nails that still remains

More and more I need you now,

I owe you more each passing hour

The battle between grace and pride

I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain

And wash the feet and cleanse my pride

Take the selfish, take the weak,

And all the things I cannot hide

Take the beauty, take my tears

The sin and soaked heart and make it yours

Take my world all apart

Take it now, take it now

And serve the ones that I despise

Speak the words I can't deny

Watch the world I used to love

Fall to dust and thrown away

I look beyond the empty cross

Forgetting what my life has cost

So wipe away the crimson stains

And dull the nails that still remain

So steal my heart and take the pain

Take the selfish, take the weak

And all the things I cannot hide

Take the beauty, take my tears

Take my world apart, take my world apart

I pray, I pray, I pray

Take my world apart

Worlds Apart.

It takes genuine courage to trust God. It’s a lot easier to just be a coward because cowardice behavior is generally more acceptable and excusable. Trusting God can be like a Trust Fall, you blindfold a person and have them fall backwards into someone’s arms. As I have myself participated in this I remember feeling completely over-confident when I first tipped from my heals and began to tumble backwards, but how quickly my confidence was shattered when my body began to shift from just being at an angle to almost parallel and I still did not feel hands bracing my back! I got that twisting knot feeling in the pit of my stomach and throat and fear griped my chest and it was at that very moment when my partner caught me inches from the ground.

Proverbs3: 3, 5-7 (Message) don’t lose your grip on Love and Loyalty. Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.

When I see the command in verse three the first thing that comes to mind is that if I am being warned against losing my grip than for sure there will be times that I will do just that. I have indeed lost my grip on God’s love and loyalty and I have done so when I tried to make sense of things for myself.

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.

Don't assume that you know it all. Run to GOD! Run from evil!

Trust is me shifting my focus from how I see and make sense of a given situation and instead turning back to seek God’s nature. If I can just get to a point in my prayer or thinking process where I begin to dwell on God’s nature as I know it from the scriptures I can acknowledge Him and trust a bit more in that very moment.

It takes courage to trust because trusting for me has also meant shifting from praying and hoping for clarity to praying and trusting in the absence of clarity because as Paula Rinehart writes, “The path will always appear no clearer than one little step at a time.”

I don’t think I have ever truly understood trust in this way. I have tried to “trust” that God would give me what I want, as well as how I want to get it. I have also tired to “trust” that God would provide clarity where there was none or catch me right before I hit the ground. Instead I am learning that God will let me fall a bit longer than I am comfortable with, He won’t give clarity, and His plan almost never resembles mine in any way shape or form. So as I face the big unknown career wise and ask what's next for my life in all its many aspects, I can feel challenged by the call to truly trust.

Brannan Manning once wrote, “The scandal of God’s silence in the most heartbreaking hours of our journey is perceived in retrospect as veiled tender presence and a passage into pure trust that is not at the mercy of the response it receives.”

So when the scripture says to “trust in the Lord always” all of a sudden as I get older and my life experiences broaden, along with the experience of pain and/or things and events that just don’t make sense to me, the emphasis on ALWAYS is amplified in my heart as the call to trust becomes not just a matter of surrender or hope, but all out war to hear God’s voice among so many other murmurs. It takes courage to keep straining to listen.

In my darkest moments a quote that really has always helped me to regain perspective has been,

“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid for you to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.” (Unknown Author)

"And the parched ground shall become a pool."

We always have visions, before a thing is made real. When we realize that although the vision is real, it is not real in us, then is the time that Satan comes in with his temptations, and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation.

"Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And batter'd by the shocks of doom
To shape and use."

God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we will have patience.

Don’t burn out. Burn on.

Without Sacrifice, there can be no victory. – Captain Archibald Witwicky, Transformer 2007

A devotional by Spurgeon

"In summer and in winter shall it be."
- Zechariah 14:8

The parching heats of sultry midsummer do not dry up the streams of living water, which flow from Jerusalem, any more than they were frozen by the cold winds of blustering winter. Rejoice, O my soul, that thou art spared to testify of the faithfulness of the Lord. The seasons change and thou changest, but thy Lord abides evermore the same, and the streams of his love are as deep, as broad and as full as ever. The heats of business cares and scorching trials make me need the cooling influences of the river of His grace; I may go at once and drink to the full from the inexhaustible fountain, for in summer and in winter it pours forth its flood. The upper springs are never scanty, and blessed be the name of the Lord, the nether springs cannot fail either. Elijah found Cherith dry up, but Jehovah was still the same God of providence. Job said his brethren were like deceitful brooks, but he found his God an overflowing river of consolation. The Nile is the great confidence of Egypt, but its floods are variable; our Lord is evermore the same. By turning the course of the Euphrates, Cyrus took the city of Babylon, but no power, human or infernal, can divert the current of divine grace. The tracks of ancient rivers have been found all dry and desolate, but the streams, which take their rise on the mountains of divine sovereignty and infinite love, shall ever be full to the brim. Generations melt away, but the course of grace is unaltered. The river of God may sing with greater truth than the brook in the poem--

"Men may come, and men may go,
but I go on for ever."

How happy art thou, my soul, to be led beside such still waters! never wander to other streams, lest thou hear the Lord's rebuke, "What hast thou to do in the way of Egypt to drink of the muddy river?"

Midst darkest shades, if he appear,

My dawning is begun;

He is my soul’s bright morning star,

And he my rising sun

Lord, reveal thyself to my poor backsliding, languishing spirit. Revive me, O Lord, for one smile from thee can make my wilderness blossom as the rose.

"Jesus has left the building!" I have these types of moments. Moments where I simply want to leave Jesus at the door, walk in and do what I want to do or more like rule the way I think is fit. This usually happens when I am upset and want to hurt someone physically. I feel angry or hurt or I feel like injustice has been done. I feel what I know is true; I have no control over the present situation. In those moments I want to open the door to my heart and kindly ask Jesus to skooch out for a few minutes, "please turn away, and let me do some damage and I will be more than happy to let you back in after I'm done."

Jude1b (The Message) Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your heart, love is on the way!

As I get ready to face the journey home I have mixed feelings and emotions. I'm ready to go but at the same time it is hard to leave. I can worry and get anxious. I can be easily agitated or angered and forget who I am. I am Gods', His workmanship and He is telling me to relax and trust in his love, wait for it. I can want to do what I think should be done before I leave, I want to right wrongs or finish what I consider unfinished.

v3 I have to write insisting—begging! —that you fight with everything you have in you for this faith entrusted to us as a gift to guard and cherish.

When I become works oriented I leave faith out. It's funny how easily I can forget things, lessons taught before, signs sent that I did not head. So now as I stand ready to leave I pray that I do not forget the lessons learned here and accept all the outcomes. I must fight with everything I have for faith. If this call (v3) is here to me that means two things. Firstly, I will have to fight with everything I have to protect something so precious. I definitely feel that I have had moments when I have had to fight with what felt like my last ounce of strength because I had nearly let go and forgotten of the true value of what I had been entrusted with. Secondly, if it requires a fight that means there is opposition and it won't quit until it steels my gift.

v5 I'm laying this out as clearly as I can, even though you once knew all this well enough and shouldn't need reminding.

I'm ashamed to say that I constantly need reminding. Yet, encouragingly enough God knows it and spells it out all the time, sends warnings and reminders constantly.

v10 But these people sneer at anything they can't understand, and by doing whatever they feel like doing – living by animal instinct only—they participate in their own destruction.

On the one hand, there are people who will not accept what I have to offer and although it is sad to watch them self-destruct God has warned me about their behavior and there is nothing I can do about it. It is in His hands. On the other hand, I must be careful not to become one of those people by going on momentary emotions and "instinct".

V17 In the last days there will be people who don't take these things seriously anymore. They'll treat them like a joke, and make a religion of their own whims and lusts.

I can easily stop taking things seriously when the fight gets hard. As I read these verses I realized they were written to Christians who had forgotten, who had stopped fighting, they were written to those who had fallen or where in danger of falling. Yes, there are those who will chose not to understand but there are those who will understand and chose to turn away. When I want to leave Jesus outside, even for a moment, or worst, when I do leave him outside and follow my whims, I'm not taking Christ seriously and I'm not an example to others.

1 Corinthians 10:12(NIV) so, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

Its amazing how little control one actually has over one’s own mind. The mind is an absolute battlefield of forces all seeking their own intentions.

What room is left for freedom under such tyrannies? *Hah.

Once, a fox discovered a vineyard. It was completely enclosed by a wall, except for one small hole. When the fox tried to enter the hole, he discovered he could not. It was too small. So he decided to fast for three days until he became thin enough to enter through the hole. He began fasting and, after three days, was scrawny enough to make it. He entered the hole and found to his delight that the vineyard was a virtual paradise. He ate and ate until he became sleek and fat.

But when he wanted to leave, the fox couldn’t get through the hole. So he had to fast again until he was thin enough to get out. It took three days before he could make it. He finally exited the vineyard just as thin, scrawny and hungry as he had been nine days before.

So it is with life. We struggle so hard for things that don’t bring lasting satisfaction. We work long days in order to be able to purchase things that break within the month. We wish and long for things we soon grow tired of. Remember that as fat and sleek as we may become in life, we will leave just as naked and scrawny as we came in.

He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be stripped of everything when I die. The Lord gave me everything I had, and the Lord has taken it away.” Job 1:21

Sometimes I'm aware that being fully who I am is the most spiritual thing I can be.

But this is only true if I'm aware of that false part of me, that pretend part of me, that not-real-me part of me and moving away from that and toward the truest me.

Sin separates me from my true inner heart and my true inner life. I separate myself from these things as I put on my mask, cover my real feelings with stuff, wear my personas, and otherwise try to be more or different than I who truly am.

Jesus reconciles me and brings me back into full relationship with Himself; and He also brings me back into full and right relationship with who I truly am: my made-in-the-image-of-Christ self. Me. Just me. Raw me. Wholly me. Alive me. Passionate me. No-pretense me. Full-of-all-kinds-of-feelings me. Simple me. True me.

Does this make any sense? I don't leave myself to become spiritual. I do die to the false parts of myself but this brings me into the freedom to live out of and be my true self. Fully myself.

Somebody put it this way:

"Sanctity lies in discovering my true self, moving toward it, and living out of it... While the impostor draws his identity from past achievements, and the adulation of others, the true self claims its identity in its belovedness. We give glory to God simply by being ourselves."

I get so weary when I try to live out of the "impostor." Even worse than the "imposter" is the "spiritual imposter." How draining and hypocritical. How foolish to think that I have to be more than I am in order to be alive, free, or precious to God. How I need to remind myself that God gave His life so that I would live-- and simply be the true person that He created. It is my truest self that is His beloved, not the other false parts of me that I put on. It is the "real me" being "fully me" that is the object of God's infinite affections. He longs for me as I really and thoroughly am--add nothing.

It is being fully me that He thoroughly delights in! Who I am is thoroughly enough!

Today I want to give glory to God by adding nothing to who I am. I'm such a simple person. A simple desire to be a lover of God and a lover of others. No rank, no status, no position, no role. Just an alive-to-the-world person and, by His grace, an alive-to-God person. I'm nobody, yet I'm magnificent (in His image). I'm nothing, yet I'm the beloved of the Creator. I'm unique, and it's just, simply, plainly, who I am that brings glory to God.

“A man asks his rabbi, "Why does God write the laws on our hearts? Why not in our hearts?" The rabbi replied, "God never forces anything into the human heart. He writes the word on our hearts so that when our hearts break, God falls in."

It turns out the best instrument for absorbing God is an unguarded broken heart.” – Author Unknown

Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV) I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

As I come to the final and concluding chapter of the long and excellent discourse, the Sermon on the Mount, I came to deepest realization of what I have been. There are times when I looked back and felt like time has gone by so quickly and I had not done enough; I have gotten caught up in the storm. I see that God is trying to reveal a piece of epic to me. Sometimes God sends me signs and I just cannot see them. And always will be, I would find myself awakened in the dawn and to find myself and my house covered in a thick layer of dust. Dust that accumulates with time gathered in thick because I refused to take heed of it and sweep them away. So I saw my own insignificants in this act in nature. I saw how fragile and brittle we are as mortals.

"These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.” – Matthew 7:24-25 (The Message)

"But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards." – Matthew 7:26-27 (The Message)

Two sorts of hearers are here represented in their true characters, and the state of their case, under the comparison of two builders; one was wise, and built upon a rock, and his building stood in a storm; the other foolish, and built upon the sand, and his building fell.

We have every one of us a house to build. It is our life. And in it includes our thoughts and affections, our words and actions, the temper of our minds, and the tenor of our lives. That house, our life, is our hope for heaven. It ought to be our chief and constant care, to make our calling and election sure. Many people never mind this: it is the furthest thing from their thoughts; they are building for this world, as if they were going to here always, but take no care to build for another world. There are many who profess that they hope to go to heaven, but despise this Rock, and build their hopes upon the sand; which is done without many pains, but it is their folly. Every thing besides Christ is sand. Some build their hopes upon their worldly prosperity, as if they were a sure token of God's favor. Others upon their external profession of religion, the privileges they enjoy, and the performances they go through in that profession, and the reputation they have got by it. They are called Christians, were baptized, go to church, hear Christ's word, say their prayers, and do nobody any harm, and, if they perish, God help a great many! This is the light of their own fire, which they walk in; this is that, upon which, with a great deal of assurance, they venture; but it is all sand, too weak to bear such a fabric as our hopes of heaven.

Rain, and floods, and wind, will beat upon the house. One day, these will undoubtedly come. Not once but many times over. Then it will be seen, who only heard the word, and who heard and practiced it; then when we have occasion to use our hopes, it will be tried whether they were right, and well-grounded, or not.

Those whose hopes which are built upon Christ the Rock will stand, and will stand the builder in stead when the storm comes; they will be his preservation, both from desertion, and from prevailing disquiet. His profession will not wither; his comforts will not fail; they will be his strength and song, as an anchor of the soul, sure and steadfast. When he comes to the last encounter, those hopes will take off the terror of death and the grave; will carry him cheerfully through that dark valley; will be approved by the Judge; will stand the test of the great day; and will be crowned with endless glory.

That those hopes which foolish builders ground upon any thing but Christ, will certainly fail them on a stormy day; will yield them no true comfort and satisfaction in trouble, in the hour of death, and in the day of judgment; will be no fence against temptations to apostasy, in a time of persecution. When God takes away the soul, where is the hope of the hypocrite? —Job 27:8. He shall lean upon his house, but it shall not stand. – Job 8:15. It fell in the storm, when the builder had most need of it, and expected it would be a shelter to him. It fell when it was too late to build another: when a wicked man dies, his expectation perishes; then, when he thought it would have been turned into fruition, it fell, and great was the fall of it. It was a great disappointment to the builder; the shame and loss were great. The higher men's hopes have been raised, the lower they fall. It is the sorest ruin of all that attends formal professors; oh witness Capernaum's doom!

I used to think that this scripture only referred to a person who was becoming a Christian, but as I read it recently, now I think it can also apply to a Christian builder. We never quite stop building and at any point in the construction process we can mess the entire thing up or at least I know I can. I know that to continue to build on solid rock means that I have to continue to look forward and follow the blue prints and than I will make it through the storms.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains 
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

 Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

 In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

 Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!
I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!

Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole

What’s this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin’ myself to you from the essence of my being
Sing to my G-d all these songs of love and healing
Want Moshiach now so it’s time we start revealing

You’re all that I have and you’re all that I need
Each and every day I pray to get to know you please
I want to be close to you, yes I’m so hungry
You’re like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there’s no me
You’re the air that I breathe
Sometimes the world is dark and I just can’t see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I’ll stand on my own two feet
Won’t be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem’s rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin’ up all through till midnight
Said, thank you to my G-d, now I finally got it right
And I’ll fight with all of my heart, and all a’ my soul, and all a’ my might

Me no want no sinsemilla.
That would only bring me down
Burn away my brain no way my brain is to compound
Torah food for my brain let it rain till I drown
Thunder!
Let the blessings come down

Strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You’re a slave to yourself and you don’t even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you’re trying to stay high then you’re bound to stay low
You want G-d but you can’t deflate your ego
If you’re already there then there’s nowhere to go
If you’re cup’s already full then its bound to overflow
If you’re drowning in the water’s and you can’t stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he’ll throw you a rope
You’re looking for help from G-d you say he couldn’t be found
Looking up to the sky and searchin’ beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
Yes, you keep fallin’ down
You really want to live but can’t get rid of your frown
Tried to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and the you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Makin’ room for his love and a fire gone blaze

Reelin’ him in
Where ya been
Where ya been
Where ya been for so long
It’s hard to stay strong been livin’ in galus (exile) for 2000 years strong
Where ya been for so long
Been livin in this exhile for too long

-Matisyahu

I will come forth as gold

Quoting Charles G. Finney's admonition from "Fearing the Lord and Walking in Darkness"

"Do not confound apathy and backsliding with that state of mind that trusts God in darkness. They are as much opposites as two states can be. One is a state of obedience, the other of disobedience--one of strong faith, the other of no faith at all--one of great and active love, the other of perfect stupidity and stagnation of soul like a putrid lake. In one, the soul rises above all the gusts and storms of doubt and fear into the calm blue sky of unfaltering trust; in the other, it sinks below both blue sky and howling wind, as into the death damps of the grave. Do not, I beseech you, mistake apathy for trust in God. Beloved, will you trust in God?"

The wind blows and the grass sways. “Do not conform” is a difficult advise in a generation when crowd pressure have unconsciously conditioned our minds and feet, urging us to choose the route of less resistance, and bid us never to fight for an unpopular cause and never to be found in a minority of two or three. The security of being identified with the majority has unknowingly become an adage of the modern world for success, recognition and conformity.

Mitch Albom says this, “…the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We're teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it. Create your own.” Reading this line, I wonder where do I stand in the culture I live and it would seems like a tension of opposites, like the pull of the rubber band, and I dwell somewhere in the middle. We as Christians have a mandate to be nonconformists as we entrenched and embedded ourselves in the world. We have the imperative in us to live differently towards a higher loyalty; person of conviction, not conformity; of moral nobility; not social respectability. And every true Christian is a citizen of two worlds, the world of time and the world of eternity. We are in the world and yet, not of the world; a colony of heaven as described by Paul the apostle. Longfellow said, “In this world, a man must either be the anvil or the hammer.” A molder of the society or is molded by society. And who would differ that today most men are anvils and shaped by the majority; like the grass swaying to where the wind blows.

“Most people, and Christians in particular, are thermometers that record or register the temperature of majority opinion, not thermostats that transform and regulate the temperature of society.” – Martin Luther King, jr. Many people fear nothing more to take a position, which stands out sharply, and prevailing opinion; a city that is set on the hill and can never be hidden. Have we like Pilate, yielded our convictions to the demands of the crowd? Have we been tempted by the enticing cult of conformity? Or have we been seduced by the success symbols of the world. Not a few men, who cherish lofty and noble ideals, hide them under a blanket of fear for fear of being called different. “ Be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” seems like words of yesterday. Where do righteousness, principles and character have a place in the culture that we live?

And I was reading articles telling how the early Christians captured the Roman Empire for Jesus Christ. Willingly they sacrificed fame, fortune, and life for a cause they knew to be right. They were nonconformists in the truest sense of word and refused to shape their witness according to the mundane pattern of the world. Quantitatively small, they were qualitatively giants. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who, when ordered by King Nebuchadnezzar to bow before a golden image, said in unequivocal terms, ”If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us… But if not… we will not serve other gods’.

We must make a choice. Ultimately though personality opens up doors, but it is really our character that keeps those doors ajar.

Anyway a food for thought.

I have had some interesting contemplations recently. You know the deep, what-is-the-meaning-of-life-and-relationships type of conversations? The, what-do-I-really-have-to-offer-someone type of conversations. In these thoughts, my mind continued to express its fear of not being able to offer something, uncertain of what I can bring to the table. I have heard it from men and women and I have definitely heard it come out of my own mouth. In friendships, in relationships I too can ask, “Am I enough?” or, “Am I too much?” “Was I too vulnerable?”, “Was I not vulnerable enough?”

I am learning to be more gentle and vulnerable. I am also learning not to let go of who I am; a strong willed, opinionated, driven person. I am learning that who I am with God is very different than who I am without him. Let me explain. There is the strong willed, opinionated, "I can do it myself; I don’t need anyone,” driven me. This me relies on my own strength and wisdom and does not trust God. Or, I can be the strong willed, opinionated but willing to listen to God and others, "It is really hard for me to ask for your help and tell you that I need you, but I will because of who God is in my life.” driven me.

Who I am when I walk with God trusts that He will protect me, therefore I do not always have to try so hard to protect myself. Who I am with God submits to His word and puts others before self. When I walk with God, I share my life with others- not to boast, but to reveal God’s power and work in it. Who I am with God is very different than who I am without Him.

I have inserted scriptures into the poem below because when I first heard it, I thought of the following scriptures. Ultimately it is not who we are that wins people over and it is not who we are that makes them turn away; it is God. He blesses our lives with all kinds of people only to draw us closer to Himself.

The Invitation

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

1Sam16:7 But GOD told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. GOD judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; GOD looks into the heart."

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

Ish 30:26 Better yet, on the Day GOD heals his people of the wounds and bruises from the time of punishment, moonlight will flare into sunlight, and sunlight, like a whole week of sunshine at once, will flood the land.

I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.

Matthew 27:12 But when the accusations rained down hot and heavy from the high priests and religious leaders, he said nothing.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

1 Peter 3:3-4 3 What matters is not your outer appearance--the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes-- 4 but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
" Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

Isaiah 30:15 GOD, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel: "Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me-- The very thing you've been unwilling to do.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Jonah 2:8 Those who worship hollow gods, god-frauds, walk away from their only true love.

Exodus 34:6 GOD passed in front of him and called out, "GOD, GOD, a God of mercy and grace, endlessly patient--so much love, so deeply true