I have had some interesting contemplations recently. You know the deep, what-is-the-meaning-of-life-and-relationships type of conversations? The, what-do-I-really-have-to-offer-someone type of conversations. In these thoughts, my mind continued to express its fear of not being able to offer something, uncertain of what I can bring to the table. I have heard it from men and women and I have definitely heard it come out of my own mouth. In friendships, in relationships I too can ask, “Am I enough?” or, “Am I too much?” “Was I too vulnerable?”, “Was I not vulnerable enough?”

I am learning to be more gentle and vulnerable. I am also learning not to let go of who I am; a strong willed, opinionated, driven person. I am learning that who I am with God is very different than who I am without him. Let me explain. There is the strong willed, opinionated, "I can do it myself; I don’t need anyone,” driven me. This me relies on my own strength and wisdom and does not trust God. Or, I can be the strong willed, opinionated but willing to listen to God and others, "It is really hard for me to ask for your help and tell you that I need you, but I will because of who God is in my life.” driven me.

Who I am when I walk with God trusts that He will protect me, therefore I do not always have to try so hard to protect myself. Who I am with God submits to His word and puts others before self. When I walk with God, I share my life with others- not to boast, but to reveal God’s power and work in it. Who I am with God is very different than who I am without Him.

I have inserted scriptures into the poem below because when I first heard it, I thought of the following scriptures. Ultimately it is not who we are that wins people over and it is not who we are that makes them turn away; it is God. He blesses our lives with all kinds of people only to draw us closer to Himself.

The Invitation

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

1Sam16:7 But GOD told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. GOD judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; GOD looks into the heart."

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

Ish 30:26 Better yet, on the Day GOD heals his people of the wounds and bruises from the time of punishment, moonlight will flare into sunlight, and sunlight, like a whole week of sunshine at once, will flood the land.

I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.

Matthew 27:12 But when the accusations rained down hot and heavy from the high priests and religious leaders, he said nothing.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

1 Peter 3:3-4 3 What matters is not your outer appearance--the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes-- 4 but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
" Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

Isaiah 30:15 GOD, the Master, The Holy of Israel, has this solemn counsel: "Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me-- The very thing you've been unwilling to do.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Jonah 2:8 Those who worship hollow gods, god-frauds, walk away from their only true love.

Exodus 34:6 GOD passed in front of him and called out, "GOD, GOD, a God of mercy and grace, endlessly patient--so much love, so deeply true